Monday, January 26, 2009

Top 10 Fast Food Delights

Food... the great equalizer.

America loves food, Americans love food, heck, humans love food. And I gotta admit, it's pretty great. Food is synonymous with eating... sounds like a simple statement, doesn't it? A real head-slapping "D'UH", huh?

But, think about it, when you see food... you think about eating it. When someone tells you about the "great dinner" they had last night, and goes on and on about the tip-top sirloin and the garlic mashed potatoes that made their knees buckle, it's hard not to think about eating. Doesn't work that way with everything. For me, I see a bicycle, I'm not thinking about riding it. Heck, I'm not even thinking about looking at it for another second.

Lots of objects have an intricate association, practically built-in... Bikes=Riding. Cars=Driving. Food=Eating. But not everyone is into biking or driving or whatever, but everyone is into eating. See food and eat it. Don't think TV advertising for fast food works? Then how the hell did McDonalds' ever sell a McRib? Those things were nasty... barely acceptable as food. And I realized that after about the twentieth McRib, when I needed a McBarf bag. But TV made them look so good, you couldn't help wanting one after seeing the ad... over and over again during Alf.

So, we are a food-loving nation of loyal tv viewers, and if you live in the northeast like me, you lie awake and night and pray for a Sonic to open in your neighborhood, or at least within a reasonable distance to drive (a Sonic within 100 miles, that would be AWESOME!)

Top 10 Fast Food Delights

10. Wendy's Chicken Nuggets - in my view, the best nuggets on the block, but better suited as a side than a main course. Goes great with Wendys' Chili!

9. Arby's Homestyle Turkey & Swiss Sandwich - might even be healthy, but despite that, still tastes good!

8. Burger King Original Chicken Sandwich - I preferred it in the old days, when it came sliced in two pieces and blazing hot... but still gets the job done today.

7. Taco Bell Chalupa - Preferably Beef Supreme, but anyway you slice it, the Gordita es muy bueno. It's ugly step cousin Gordita was once the new kid on the block, but now is the familia forgottono...

6. McDonald's Big Mac - the All-American Classic, the one that started it all. Still has a place in modern america, and perhaps goes better with French, (I mean, Liberty...) Fries than any other samwich.

5. Arby's Beef-n-Cheddar - Whoa boy, what is there to say about the beef-n-cheddar? For one thing, it's as powerful a concoction as anything ever created... for another, you best have a rest room on standby... it is fast-actin'. Yowza!

4. McDonald's Apple Pie - Another classic that was once significantly better (see deep-fried pies of the 70's, aka Warning: Contents inside are HOTTTTT!!!!) but still works. And, 2 -for-a-dollar? Yes, please!

3. Mighty Taco Hard Shell Taco - Buffalo, ny area chain is a favorite of anyone with a pulse. Buy Six (The Mighty Six Pack), include hot sauce and sour cream, and survive if it lets you. People have been known to drive the hour-distance, just for Mighty Taco. We call these people, the smartest people who have ever lived. Amen.

2. McDonald's Double-Quarter Pounder - Are you hungry? Really? Then there is no other option... loaded to the gills with onions and pickles, and nobody cares because, good-golly, thems good eats.

1. Burger King Whopper - We are a Whopper Nation. And, apparently the rest of the world agrees(according to advertisements from Burger King... Royalty had no reason to lie to it's kingdom). You can have it as a nice side (Whopper Junior), you can have it for a reasonable lunch (classic Whopper), you can have it as a good meal (Double Whopper), or you can have it as your last meal (Triple Whopper... you gotta be kiddin' me!).

Final Note: Being an upstate-ny resident, there are several fast-food chains that I have not had the pleasure of enjoying, and some that I've had far too little of. Included for their exclusion: Sonic, White Castle, Jack-in-the-Box, In & Out, Carl's Jr... and more I don't know of.

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